Hey,

I just wanted you to know,

 that I'm claustrophobic and it isn't helping that you are standing so close to me because I can feel the heat of your palms reaching out for me and I am somehow frozen by the warmth. I'm so frightened of you that I can't resist you and I'm terrified of  your capabilities and wants and needs and of you. I really can't imagine holding you for longer than a few seconds but I can't imagine life without your arms around me. The details are minor, but love is embedded within them. Like the thread hanging off your shirt. I hate that thread. I hate that dangling red rope swinging under your arm but I dread the moment when I'll have to pull it out.

I'm dreading you and your words and your sentences like I dread my AP tests. Exactly not like my AP tests are how I long for those words and can't go a day without them.

Scrutinize me and tell me I'm boring, normal, not-likable and I will stare back at you with warm eyes and willing feet. Throw me in a gutter. Tie me to a moving car. Lock me in a basement and never feed me.

Whatever you want dear, whatever you want.

Maybe it's just the love I'm afraid of.