20130325

How to Flirt

According to my mom: Just be nice. Stop being grumpy or no boys will ever like you. You have to at least pretend like you think that they are cool. They all have low self-esteem.

According to Charlotte Bronte: It is necessary to portray a helpless woman while also seeming independent. An innocent heroine who saves her love from beds set aflame will easily capture the heart of her lover.

According to Stephanie Meyer: Stare and give off an uninterested and creepy vibe. Become completely self-absorbed and dependent on your lover, and surrender yourself to his every will while having extremely low self esteem.

According to high school students: Hug at every opportune moment, snuggle up close to him when you are 'cold,' and laugh at every joke. Make sure to take note of every significant action he takes and exaggerate it while acting very impressed. Touch his arm.

According to my dad: Boys have low self-esteem.

According to followers of Steve Jobs: I <3 your data plan. Let's iMessage until 3am. :*

According to Beethoven:

According to e.e. cummings: i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

According to a 12-year-old: Deliver chocolates to her doorstep but don't let her know it is you. Sign it Anonymous. 

According to the UPS man: Ask her to not only sign for the package, but to write her number.

According to birds: Dance like a crazy fool and puff up your chest in order to seem more important. Tweet.

According to Justin Bieber: As long as you love me, we could be starving. This could present a problem because we may both be near-dead, but as long as you love me, I'm sure we can find something to eat. (each other?)

According to Mr. Nelson: Love is a rattlesnake. Love is a toothbrush waiting for toothpaste. Love is like eating your first hamburger. Love is when my wife picks out my clothes for me. Love is rap music. NOBODY KNOWS WHAT LOVE IS, BUT IT SURE IS WONDERFUL AND ALSO A PAIN!

According to Alice: A waste of time that should never be practiced among peers because it demonstrates extreme incompetence and dependency.




3 comments:

  1. Sometimes I read your blog and I hate you so much because I could never think of the things you do. You are absolutely fabulous and I hope to be half as good as you someday. This post was clever and witty. Thanks.

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  2. Holy crap this was awesome. I stole your idea. #noshame.
    thanks.

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  3. You are the best. When we all come out of our masks and be known, can you and I be best friends please?

    ReplyDelete